Punctuation Nerds: A Contest Just For You

Did you know that National Punctuation Day is coming up on September 24?  You still have time to enter the Punctuation Paragraph Contest and win a prize described as “a box of punctuation goodies”.  Here’s how to enter:

Write one paragraph, maximum of three sentences, using these 13 punctuation marks: apostrophe, brackets, colon, comma, dash, ellipsis, exclamation point, hyphen, parentheses, period, question mark, quotation mark, and semicolon. You may use a punctuation mark more than once. Entries will be accepted through September 30.

For more information about National Punctuation Day and where to send your entry, check the website at http://www.nationalpunctuationday.com/index.html.

In honor of this important holiday, I want to address one punctuation issue that brings out the punctuation police officer in me: the increasing use of unnecessary commas.  Granted, some comma decisions are discretionary, such as whether or not to use the serial comma (a, b, and c or a, b and c).  Great minds and important authorities disagree on this one, and it’s a battle I won’t engage except to say just be consistent and make sure the meaning is clear if you leave it out.

What confuses me is the insertion of commas in completely unnecessary spots.  I’m seeing this more and more, often between subject and verb as in these examples culled from recent news articles and marketing messages:

• Residents who volunteer for this year's event, will act as volunteer scientists in collecting samples of SOD hosts such as tanoak and bay laurel leaves.
• In 2010, the final year, just four of the 10 sites, slowed Medicare spending enough to qualify for a bonus.
• Once implemented, this new partnership, will easily enable you to take advantage of the resources of both airlines to enhance your overall travel experience.

I can’t figure out why anyone thought a comma was needed in those spots.  Other instances seem to represent random places where the writer thinks one might pause in speaking:

• What was once a heap of glaciers that melted over centuries to reveal 64 miles of blue beaches surrounded by colossal sand dunes, now draws visitors with its picturesque landscape and small town charm.
• They think getting as much information and processing it as quickly as possible, is really the height of their intellectual life.

All right, I know that if you take the time, you can figure out what those sentences mean, and some folks feel that’s all we should care about in grammar and punctuation.  Why make such a fuss?  But a misplaced comma can cause confusion, as in this example:

• In Geneva, the panel said, the government failed in its obligation to oversee the laundries. (Note: the scandal in question took place in Ireland, not in Geneva).

Or consider this pair of alternate meanings, courtesy of the Language Log:

• I didn't marry Bob because I wanted a stable home life.
• I didn't marry Bob, because I wanted a stable home life.

Which meaning do you think the author intended?  To learn more, as the television commercials say, Language Log recommends Chapter 20 of The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language. (And by the way, that serial comma is sometimes called the Oxford comma, so you can pick your authority: Cambridge or Oxford...)