What Matters to Us: "Sexting" in Lamorinda - Not My Kid!

I have been hearing a lot from teens in the last few years about their own concerns regarding peers or even younger junior high kids posting on Facebook or texting pictures of themselves in various states of undress.

"Sexting," the sharing of sexual messages and photos, has become a very common behavior in our local area, much to my concern. As we know, once information is let loose onto the Internet, there is no way of controlling where it ends up and for how long. The technological component is a complicating factor of another larger issue, I believe.

The world went through a giant upheaval during the sexual revolution and the use of shame as a control mechanism was no longer considered acceptable.  In many cases at the present time, nothing is being taught about self-respect as a motivator of behavior. Long-term thinking has never been a strong suite of adolescents. Kids are surrounded by images and messages that encourage doing anything that gets attention, the more sexual or off-beat the better. Reality shows aimed at this age group only exacerbate the problem by making bad behavior famous.  If asked, I doubt anyone would be pleased to be remembered as the girl (or boy) whose nude photos were shared by everyone due to an impulsive gesture.

I believe we must get to know our children better so that we can have more open discussions about the repercussions of actions, especially those that become public. Adolescence is a time of pushing the envelope and taking certain risks. There needs to be a better understanding about implied messages. Boys need to be taught at a young age to be respectful of girls. Those who are, do not seem to make these kinds of demands.  If a girl will share these kinds of private images or engage in aggressive sexual messaging what behaviors might be expected to go along with that kind of thinking?

Often, these connections don’t seem to be made and it is only after exposure to public shaming or sexual aggression that the real understanding comes at a terrible price.  Parents need to be involved in exploring those risks with their kids while instilling a sense of self-pride that goes beyond academics and sports and nurtures their children through the rest of their lives.

Note: (This post was originally printed in 2010, with minor revision, as a letter to the editor in the Lamorinda Weekly)