The Most Important Thing to Teach Our Children - Trust Your Gut

As adults we know what it means when we say we should have trusted our gut but didn't.  It's related to a feeling we get in our bodies that either feels good or threatening, and it is usually on target.  Sometimes we use our reasoning to talk us out of those feelings.  Sometimes we go with those feelings even though we're not sure why.  Do children have the same ability for intuition?  Do they have an internal sense of good and bad, right and wrong?  I believe they do.  Children often have an uncanny understanding of what is going on around them even before they develop the language to express this.  Witness the emotional distress of a baby in the presence of arguing parents.  Watch how easily young children pick up on our moods and respond to them.  It is important to teach our children to trust themselves since they are dependent on adults and often feel as though they need to comply with expectations, even if they may be harmful to them.  We often hear the heart wrenching stories of children who have been abused by those they should have been able to trust.  Usually these children will understand that they are being mistreated but do not feel they have the power or the right to stop the abuse.  This is especially true of abuse by authority figures such as caretakers, teachers or religious figures.  Even very young children may be aware that certain behaviors are inappropriate.  Encouraging the child to pay attention to signs that something feels wrong or uncomfortable and to bring it to the attention of a trusted adult is important in that it honors the child and gives him or her a sense of power.  Children who speak their minds are more of a threat to those who would mistreat them, since there is more risk of confrontation and exposure.

On a positive note, teaching a child to trust his or her inner feelings develops independent thinking and greater insight skills.  It tells the child that although he or she is young, the thoughts and feelings are valuable.  This can become a good base for the early development of a strong sense of self. 

How You Can Help

Parents can help children trust their intuition by validating their ideas and concerns.  If a child is experiencing difficulty or worry then this is his or her truth in that moment.  Sometimes parents will minimize the situation and say "oh, don't be silly", or otherwise negate the intensity of what the child is feeling.  This tells the child that what he or she is experiencing is not valid and in effect teaches the child to doubt his or her own inner experience.  By careful listening we can calm some of those fears and acknowledge others that are real.  A child's world is fraught with worries and fears which seem so minimal to us as adults.  To them they are all-important.  Like grownups, they can experience anxiety and depression.  This may revolve around performance at school, sports, homework, or even the instrument they are learning to play.    They can feel left out, under-appreciated or like they don't fit in with other children.  

If a child expresses a fear of someone it is a good idea to ask what about that person feels uncomfortable.  What may come up is a related fear, such as abandonment, if the child is to be left with this person while you are away.  In this case the child can be reassured that you will return and hopefully the fear will diminish when he or she sees that you do, indeed, return as promised.  If the child expresses dread and fear about someone he or she has encountered it is important to encourage conversation about this.  Sometimes people behave differently when adults are not around to monitor them.  Encouraging your child to be honest about gut fears can help keep him or her safe.

Encourage your child to express ideas and dreams as well as fears and worries.  Their futures often grow from the nurtured seeds of intuition, insight, and early dreams.  

If a child has a natural interest in something, show support for that interest even if it is not one you share.  Sometimes parents squelch talents in their children because they do not share the enthusiasm for that particular subject.  Although we can expose our children to our own interests in sports, arts, etc., this does not take the place of a natural development of individual interests in the child or discovery of unique talents.  Often we are surprised at the inborn talents of our children and wonder where they got these gifts.  Our encouragement and support of these talents and interests gives children the green light to pursue and succeed at their efforts in these arenas, as well as validating their uniqueness and special qualities.

When you can, share with your child important ways in which you have trusted your gut.  Often, these stories are dramatic and sometimes unexplainable.  We may not be able to reason why we chose to do the things we did which ended up being lifesaving or beneficial in other ways, but in the moment it felt like the right decision.  Ask your children if they have had moments like this. Also, see if you can get them to talk about how they might have denied their intuition in an effort to be good or not make trouble.

Has your intuition served you well?  Are there times you should have listened to that inner voice and shrugged it off?